When I was on junior high school age, I had several close girl friends. There were only two closest girls, though, that we still keen to meet and talk. Her name is iin (read: e-in) and susy (read: soe-see). We often celebrated birthday together. It was just a simple party, usually. We just went to canteen and had snack or lunch together. Sometimes, we shared birthday's present. This could be some things bought, like scrap book, pen, pencil case, pins, etc. Other students liked pour some water or powder onto birthday victims; this was fun but embarrassing…
On my 14th birthday, my girl friends gave me a blue diary book. It was very nice. Even though I am not sure where the book now is (there is other story behind), the memorable thing is how they give that diary. It was wrapped nicely and put under my table, early morning before I came. Oh dare… they came to school earlier than usual just to give me a surprise. Indeed, I was surprised. As I said, we were close friend and we almost be together at school. I didn't notice them making a plan for my birthday. So I thought there wouldn't be something, but I was fine. I was shy girl for being kind of special and so, prefer not to be seen. The more memorable is the card inside stating how they care of me. It's awesome.
Here is the story of the diary. I often heard stories of public figures who like writing diary. I imitated them, writing on my diary almost every day. It is me who liked to tell everything and put too much detail in it. I knew it is not an effective way of writing, but I enjoyed. A few years after, that diary book brought me a sad story. I got a jealous boy-friend, namely A, who found that diary in my bag. He was rude, reading that book without asking my permission. As I bet, we went to an inconvenient conversation of a story about a fan, namely F. I wrote many things, real and imagination, about F. He was my friend at junior high school and we were still on the same senior high school. A was my classmate at senior high school, we met there. So, three of us were classmates at senior high school.
A jealously suspected me still keep a feeling of fan to F. Well, F, surprisingly, cached my feeling and had the same feeling. The funny thing was, I knew this fact from A, because A jealously met F and confirmed his position of me. I was then faced by A and F together. A asked me to choose. Well…well…well… A, huh… A… I am not sure whether he did this because too much loved me or just wanted to show that he had power. It was over after I chose A, to avoid more bad things happened. Again, a year after, funny… I got a letter from F saying that he still waited for me, and what a sudden, I forgot to keep this letter in a secret place and A found it. As usual, he confirmed it jealously. I just smiled.
That diary left me memorable stories. Neither A or F, aren't they my husband. If I remember that period, I always smile. I think I have wasted much time taking care of A. What a silly. Silly and embarrassing. However, It was me. It was him. It was 'masa-masa muda'. Notwithstanding what things triggered by the diary, I miss my girl friends who presented it on my 14th birthday. I wonder where they are and what they do. I wish I could send them an email.
Being consistent is not that easy, indeed. However, it is something that really I have to be at this moment, may be good if I can be like that consistently. Unfortunately I couldn't up to this stage. You know, I decided to take a break from this blog a few weeks ago but I did, did did again, write in here. Such suspension is important or required because my concentration is highly demanded for my short due thesis. I feel guilty that I couldn't be consistent just for being away from this blog.
Let's analyse why I always be back here. The first possible reason is that I got "stuck" in writing up. My brain might suddenly stop working. I was torpid (poetic word of lazy) compiling words and words, particularly in academic style. I thought, rather than just sitting in the front of my laptop, creating blog posts might induce my brain. Wasn't this a good excuse? The second one is that I found something interesting (more interesting than my own thesis) and wanted to keep (show) it. Such a selfish mode, as I am used to. Weks… One might say that I can show my thesis instead! But, I have to finish it before I publish it, right? I wish I could finish it or finishing it now. You know, it is something miracle or mission almost impossible. The third is the first reason I mention previously, hehe… so, in general… blogging at this scary write thesis up stage is due to stagnancy! Why stagnancy happens?
Theoretically speaking, working memory over load can cause your brain stop working (kind of bottleneck, stagnancy, not flowing) or work inefficiently. I heard that working memory is part of your brain that process information or knowledge you're perceiving, thinking or creating right now. More, it is severely limited, when you're dealing with unfamiliar – novel – complex problems. Working memory processes incoming information by calling prior knowledge from long term memory (your knowledge disposal) or borrowing required knowledge from other sources. So, what to do then if over load occurs? It is suggested that direct guidance (e.g. an example of expert's work) reduces working memory overload. Therefore, new researcher like me, will work more efficiently if facilitated with direct guidance. Why direct guidance? How come it reduce working memory over load? What kind of direct guidance? How to improve it? Where can I get it? Is that "direct"? Will it increase expertise? How? Why? The answers are in the literature review chapters in my thesis. Too much to be wrote in here. Embarrassing, part of my thesis talks about working memory over load but in reality, I got over load!
